spring afternoon, gentle rain outside. this time of year is busy. ncaa tournament on weekends, tesol friends all gathering somewhere (this year portland), things changing quickly on the weather front. it's always a little turbulent on the weather front but this year might be more than usual - big rains out in california, extreme variation here, cold and hot, flowers coming out only to freeze, that kind of thing. i think we'll get our share of rain too before it's all over.

the way i see it the earth will fight back in the only way it knows how. in fact, if it's thrown off balance, fighting back will be a natural consequence, the earth won't even need the intention to get us back. it'll just happen because of what we did. we filled up the air with carbon dioxide, we warmed it up, that kind of thing.

even so, i am more rattled by the steep declines in population worldwide than i am by the sharp alarming weather events which i consider to be very strong warnings. in korea and japan, a combination of people highly valuing work success and extreme patriarchy, i.e. woman does all the child rearing, means birth rates have fallen even below one and the whole culture is in danger. you could say, these places are overcrowded anyway, and that's true, korea for instance has a california population in a place the size of indiana, but two things will result from a birth rate below one. one is that with too many old people, the place will be hard to keep up - somebody will have to run the army, pave the streets, that kind of thing, and a lot of people will be hanging around like i am living off the proceeds. but also, ultimately, the place will look a bit abandoned - apartments will be empty, houses going to rot, that kind of thing. can you imagine a population cutting in half every twenty years? that's what's happening, in some form or another. and it's happening here too. out of every two kids, only one will have kids, and even then, will only have two. no large families anymore. lots of single people out there on the run. not a whole lot of babies.

it scares me because i've always considered babies to be the personification of luck and health for the future, and to me a lack of them is the worst kind of emptiness. of course i respect anyone's choice not to go through that pain and suffering, of being a parent and not quite knowing what will happen or how you will take care of someone. but i always thought that it was our main hope, to carry on no matter how bad it got.

now these poor kids will be like the chinese, one kid representing four grandparents, eight great grandparents, and sixteen great-greats, all because everyone had just one and they're all relying on him. and he's a bit lonely, but he's got to go shovel the walk and pave the street, if not defend the country, because that's what people do. what if he's not into the baby thing? then all those ancestors are out of luck.

i've taken to swimming every day. it gives me a sense of inner peace, and utter exhaustion, not to mention a chlorine smell that oozes from my skin all the rest of the day. a deep tiredness on the inside of my muscles, where it feels like it takes major effort just to lift my arms. i want to take the dogs out, as i usually do afternoons, but i'm not sure a drizzle will help the situation. also want another cup of coffee. i've been trying to keep to two, but, cold afternoons, it's the hardest thing to resist.

the puppy settles in at my elbow. my latest novel is about a holocaust survivor. don't know why, but it stirs up a bit of hippie in me, to not want to conform to all my germanic neighbors' expectatons.

back to Illinois

errant post

middle of the night here; for some reason i'm sleepless, so i open up my blogs and find that this post was one that belonged on the landalinkin site, where I report on my blogs every month. no, this is my main site! my own personal ramblings go here! so, i have moved that post there, and replaced it, here, with this.

i might as well say here, and i don't usually do, that this is the main blog of about thirty that i keep going; eight are commercial but don't do well in raising up commerce, but in general they get a few thousand hits a month. if i could harness that i might have a few book sales, but i don't actually do so well in harnessing them, and therefore my sales are still pretty weak. other more commercial authors do much better.

I've seen steady improvement, though, and sell some books now while a while ago i sold zero. i'm always a little surprised when a book sale comes in, but it's definitely more often than it used to happen.

late at night, the tinnitus is high, my hearing aids are still up in the bedroom, so it's just me and the crickets, and of course the puppy followed me down here and he's right at my feet. teenagers are awake and waiting for the action online, which starts maybe at about 2 am. everyone else is asleep.

galesburg, however, is more on the boys' schedule. on friday night, at 12 30 am, certain bars are just getting started. the police are too. people are getting ready for a big weekend.

i however am tired. not sure why i was unable to sleep. maybe i'll play the bog for a while, and give up.