it's tuesday afternoon about five. it's raining outside which means the cars sound a little different on the brick road. actually i kind of feel them more than i hear them, but it's a five-o-clock thing.

life has been busy and it's crowding me. i use two different computers now just to get online, and sometimes my phone, but my phone is the only one that's reliable, and these two have lots of serious problems, being as old as they are. this one doesn't quite charge right although just by chance it's charged now, 69%. I feel like hanging onto that charge but i have repressed needs to communicate which i'll use now even though i may be interrupted. this one is the old family computer so it's disheartening to see it charging poorly or not at all when you need it and it's slowly withering to nothing. the other one keeps blinking off, the minute i get in firefox; something about the new web security protocols just blinker it to death. oh well. i can't upgrade the operating system, so i can't upgrade the firefox, that simple. and that firefox is one of the few places i can get facebook. i need email to get on it elsewhere and don't have it. i have it here but this one goes days without being charged enough to even operate.

meanwhile teenagers are coming and going in our life, and twenty-year-old counts here; she just came back. a couple of seventeen-year-olds need lots of attention. the two young ones, ten and eight, need the most attention. and it's a busy world. here i am with all my attention directed to getting one computer to run.

the cold rain is good for the dead-looking brown yards and gardens out there; i think it was a little too dry. i think the snow we had didn't even wait around to seep into the ground. i think now finally we have a chance to see some green when it warms up.

i have a book to finish and i have to hurry up, but there's a puppy on my lap and my book is on the blinker computer which is over at my desk. the desk has been a lifesaver because when i sit up i actually get some work done. actually worked two hours or so today already. but it's not enough. i'm behind. i need to concentrate.

going to chicago in about six days to see sons and grandchildren. somehow it's stressful just thinking about it.

yet i like march, partly because of the green, partly because of the march madness, partly because it's tesol season. i used to do airport traveling in march, going to new cities for our conference, tesol. the month triggers the memory. in baltimore it was always raining. those were good times and then one year i had just gone once too often. i was burnt out. i couldn't really absorb new spirit or new techniques, or even new technology. and that also was in baltimore. my last one.

nowadays i think about those old times fondly. i find myself hanging onto those memories. even if the too-many kids in my life are too busy to hear them. it's me, and where i was is who i am.