Thursday, March 14, 2024

there's a new normal. i work a lot, door-dashing. my job takes me around town and to knoxville, and sometimes wataga or alexis. i see the town and countryside. already i recognize some of the homeless.

i prefer to get done with it as soon as possible, but ironically door-dashing is inversely more productive the longer you wait. tonight i got as much in a single hour at dinner time than i got in the entire day of hanging on my phone and running out there when i could. morning, spotty, noon, a little better, afternoon, spotty. the evenings are really hot but i suspect the kids have moved in to take all the good spots because often i can't even get on there and dash in the evening.

i see a lot of the fast-food places. i've been in wendy's maybe a dozen times. today i hung around perkins for a half-hour - it was as good as hanging around eating something. having set foot in these places i'm getting a better sense of which kitchens are producing the good stuff.

i've always liked this about galesburg: it's large enough to be self-absorbed, but too small to really amount to much. on the surveys they ask me urban? rural? suburban? it's definitely not suburban but it's a close tie between the other two, and i actually fluctuate; they probably think i'm bogus. when i got here i considered it urban. the more i know the more i consider it rural. the country starts just out every edge. then it's corn and beans for miles.

the job connects me with a chunk of youth that i spent out on the roads, in that the constant movement and failure to stay anywhere are somewhat comforting. sometimes i feel like stretching out in my car and taking a big nap, with the sound of the highway right out the window, and letting the feeling of world-going-by give me peaceful dreams. we are not far from a major interstate and sometimes my siri tells me to get right on it and go down the road to knoxville, a small town near galesburg. knoxville is very friendly and very pretty, and i've come to enjoy it when i'm dashing out there. the dash will swat me around out there for a while, going from place to place, and if i finish out there i take the slow road back to galesburg across the fields that of course are beginning to show a little green. it's all very springtime out there.

then, in the sports bars like buffalo wild wings or applebee's there are the hawkeyes on television, and soon it will be the ncaa's so i'll have to have a bracket. i'm also putting some time into the front yard because i'm coming and going from the front a lot more.

in general, another season, a fresh start. it's good to be alive, though working makes me a little sore.

Friday, March 01, 2024

ok here's a wild development. i've become a door-dash driver. financial desperation set in when we noticed we were spending more supporting one son's extra house than we actually made every month, so i went back to work.

and much to my surprise, i love it. there are several reasons. first is that building frustration and anxiety over vast spending of money we didn't have was driving me crazy. we were running through our retirements and nest eggs and all in the hopes that we could get out of raising these last kids ok (no easy way out, unfortunately). now i'm doing something about it. having my own income gives me a little autonomy and a much better feeling day-in day-out of having some control of my destiny. i feel young again.

that's the second reason; i'm connected to my youthful, live-for-the-moment traveling days, when i might go here or there at any given moment, and i feel really alive with all the choices. i can travel more or i can stop. there are benefits to each. i am making money traveling. i see the city and at the same time, just pass through it.

there's this little town near here, knoxville. door dash keeps sending me out there. i have a kind of fascination with the smaller towns and they are definitely different from galesburg. in galesburg it's no big surprise when someone doesn't know me. in knoxville they just kind of don't believe it. it's interesting. i'm seeing some farm country on the trips between towns and i like that too. i like getting out there and seeing people, if nothing else.

third reason: it's just about right for amount of human interaction. i can talk more if i like someone. they often are avoiding me (leave it at my door) and i don't blame them. the workers in the fast-food places are all interesting too but i say very little to them besides thank-you-ma'am (ma'am & sir are somewhat rare here but i just came up from the south where they're not). a slice of life. i'm in a lot of places in any given day.

it's life - a rich tapestry. the brick streets are a good drum solo.

Friday, February 23, 2024

like your average working man i come to friday with a sense of relief - i made my money, i get to rest now. friday evening traffic is a little edgier than most nights and it's a good night to get off the street in my humble opinion. I did well in my new job (door dash) and now i'm worn out and need to set and sleep a little. things are busy - a lot of dashing could be done - but i'm not doing it, rather staying home, puppy on lap, reflecting.

in general i find evenings much more lucrative in the doordash biz. people pay more for dinner, have it hauled farther, and pay better tips. In the mornings i'm hauling big macs across town for two bucks, no tip, in the evening i'm taking a better dinner way out to knoxville and another one back, and making more on tips from that alone than from the morning jaunts. not that we're talking big money. and the car is going to wear out, and the gas will eat up the profits. but i'm in the groove at the moment and glad to be able to create a couple hundred bucks with what's left of my worn-out knees and legs.

it causes all kinds of changes to the writing biz. for one thing, i have much less patience for reading random indie writing, when i have piles of things to do, money to make, a full plate of responsibilities. reading was a luxury i can no longer afford. i have to focus my attention on making money and allocating our resources so that we don't go broke. my wife has thrown up her hands and begged for my help in this and i've responded by first, figuring out how to make $140-$250/wk. driving around, and second, going through the budget and figuring out what we can cut. It will be a slow but painful process and I may find other ways of raising money. but from the writing point of view, i may have to write things that sell as opposed to things I like, like history. my days of indulging in family history may be over too.

all this happened just as i was deep in the writing process, following the leverett family through the civil war - they were in nebraska and illinois at the time - and i couldn't just set it down. instead i'll probably finish it in some form or another and publish soon, hopefully in march. but after that i'll lean toward things that make money - novels actually do the best - and write more of that kind, if i can bring myself to do it. unfortunately the more i force stuff like that on myself, the less successful i am, generally. it might be better to let myself do what i want.

my wife is suffering terrible back pain. we are getting old. this idea of getting our kids out of the house has just about wiped her out. i am going to try to hang in there for everyone's good, though. i may have to see her through some rough times here pretty soon.

one thing about getting old is being aware of your limits. there are things that we can do but probably shouldn't. we took on ten children and did the best we could with them, and now finally, we look back on a long and rocky trail. they have to be able to manage without us. this will be easier for some than for others.

outside, firetrucks and ambulances just went by, northbound, screaming. i went out to look but they were already out of sight; whatever it was, was way out north. i've given up my reading for the night. i did well with driving, not so well with writing my history book; maybe that will happen some more tomorrow. a little push won't hurt, and a good night's sleep.

Sunday, February 18, 2024

i went back to work. got set up and started door dash last week; made $140 in about four days. that was actually good pay but i was new at it, new at figuring out how to maximize time and money. hopefully it will become easier.

lots of new material out there on the streets of galesburg. now i talk to everyone - especially people who work in the restaurants - and i'm beginning to know them. i'm beginning to feel like part of the working culture of the town, instead of an old retired geezer over her puttering on my books. it's an interesting feeling.

the danger will be if i wear myself out, and can no longer do it.

with calamities everywhere - i'm out there making twenty bucks, and each of my children is wasting fifty - plus bills piling up for the work we had done on the two houses - we are in new times, very tight, a new depression.

but i'm out there a lot. i'm seeing the town. i'll have stories to tell.

Tuesday, February 13, 2024

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Friday, January 26, 2024

three or four days now on a thick fog that has kind of come and gone, but mostly made visibility difficult. i said to my wife, "it looks like an old fleetwood mac album out there," but the reference was lost to her. We are in the same generation, but clearly not of the same musical leanings. a lot of my friends know exactly what album i'm talking about.

i am grateful to not have to leave galesburg, where i can see the streetlights through the fog and i don't kneed to see that much else besides the car in front of me. out in the mountains when it got this bad i felt like the cliffs and canyons were going to swallow me whole.

i've been working a little on my disney stories - in fact if i can finish "have a magical day" i can name it "have a magical day - and a dozen other short stories from the house of mouse." i'm mulling that over as a full title - and mulling over stopping at thirteen. it would be a small book that way - like the walmart book - seventy pages or so. mulling it over, i said.

i lost a little weight there for a little while, with all that running around and everything - but in the end, i got it all back again. something about the cold and long winter nights sitting here at my chair - i've been eating too many snacks. ah well. right back to where i started. and that's the end of january for ya.

Wednesday, January 24, 2024

a really heavy fog has moved in, and though i'm very tired i can't go to bed because the teens are monopolizing the bathroom. it's about ten at night, and the puppy is ok with this turn of events, because he enjoys my lap and will gladly sit anywhere where i will pet him a little while longer. i gave out on my reading a little while ago, and i did a little writing, but wasn't really grooving on that either. the fog puts me in a reflective mood.

the house is actually emptier these days. the eighteen-year-old and his friends actually moved out, and we spend time getting their house organized across town, but that leaves us this one, quieter, emptier, peaceful. the fog has settled over a deep snow and it had been raining on this snow for a while. rain, ice, snow, fog - it's been kind of relentless for a while. but it also feels like the worst of the cold is over. a couple of minus-fifteen nights and some very cold days, and the cold front just kind of left. now it's fog and snow.

took off my hearing aids to go to bed, but then of course i couldn't go to bed, so came back downstairs, put puppy back on lap, and now it's tinnitus and the quiet house. out on the street a car comes by occasionally - our brick street does not seem to be too icy and they sometimes have pretty good speed. all day, you follow the rules; you go the speed limit, yield to people, go along in an orderly manner. at night, they seem to take liberty. who knows if they are going from one bar to another or what. i think this weather has gotten to some people. not everyone is going to come out of it intact.

got done running around earlier today, pointed myself back home, and got stopped by a big old train. this one seemed to have a lot of cars from europe on it. it was about two miles long, as they all are, but the cars had logos that were in german, french, danish, etc. why would they all be together? i kind of liked it; i always do, unless the train stops altogether and i have to turn around in no faith that it will ever start again. the graffiti is especially interesting to me, and seems to be in a language of its own.

i now have a train of my own, and this one is online, for writers and poets, and filled up with my pop-art of graffiti on trains. it seems to be pretty sleepy and i must say, there's enough other action out there that people don't really need mine. i'm trying to get it to the point where all i do is make graffiti pop art once in a while, and start a new train - i really don't like policing and avoid it at all costs. i'll make the rules more to my liking, so i'm more likely to survive. that's my general rule on blogs too. if i enjoy doing this, i'll keep coming back.

Saturday, January 13, 2024

it's about eight below out there, and going down fast; it will probably get to fifteen below tonight. tomorrow night might be equally cold or worse. i got up my nerve and went out in it; fortunately i was only going around town (galeburg illinois). at the hy-vee people were busy gathering supplies, and as usual very friendly.

galesburg is a train town and i could see a train in the distance blocking the tracks. this meant i had to go over a bridge which of course is high drama on the way back down. i made it though; the roads were ok. i had to go around several times; i'm sure that train had its own problems.

i saw this one kid in a slightly larger car stuck in a berm created by the snowplows. he was actually in the driveway of a gas station and was trying to get back onto the main road, but made the mistake of trying to go right over this berm which held his car while his wheels were fruitlessly spinning in the snow. in my younger days i would have got out of the car and helped him; he'd need a major push. today i did nothing; i am seventy, and earlier today i fell off our stairs and into a snow-bank, and i just decided, with snow blowing, icy roads, and minus eight, i'd leave it for the younger folks. he had someone with him. he was right at a main road. i am hoping someone helped him. it couldn't be me, today.

i'm not sure how it happened that i fell off the steps and into a snow-bank; i was very lucky. i have a few bruises. i just want to stay in my chair with puppy in lap. i'm hoping no pipes freeze. friends and family are encouraging me to stay put. it's not the kind of blizzard you want to be stuck out there in.

Tuesday, January 09, 2024

Monday, January 01, 2024

new year's day. did my blogs and some running around in the very-cold weather, and i'm now sitting back, enjoying the puppy and watching it get dark - well, at five o'clock, it's already dark. i didn't feel like cleaning the garage. i' have been sitting more, running around less. but i did make it out to monmouth to see one of the kids' moms.

the puppy, for his part, is grateful for the times he can lie around, tucked up on my leg, taking a real nap. he gets angry when i have to get up and leave him. his idea of a new year is lots of naps where he keeps one eye open. he's perfectly willing to come up and sleep in the bed also.

i'm making a series of resolutions on the blogs. i did the pop art one just now, but it occurred to me that my pop resolutions aren't really that strong. i muddle along doing pop regularly, but i don't really have the strong desire to take my work to a better level or, for example, to join the crowd of impressionists online who peddle their work. i want to take my work and put it in frames, but, i haven't really had the time to organize the frames, the art, the various aspects of it. pop is one of those things that is more or less on the back burner.

but, i came up with a dozen marketing resolutions fairly quickly. i have lots of marketing things going on and plenty to resolve. in fact i have resolutions in many areas, including the expansion of a quaker book charity. i'm serious about it and might actually do it. it would address several problems at once: first, that a lot of books are simply falling by the wayside; second, that kids need stuff to do; and third, that the internet has made possible the relatively expedient putting cheap books in people's hands. My son taught me a little about the ebay process; now it's my turn to consider using it with a box of books i received recently.

as i sit here i realize it's just an unrealized fantasy at this point. the christmas tree stands there glowing; we're late taking it down. the large puppy has made scrappy messes all over every floor. my pamphlets need to be finished. i haven't been getting enough exercise. and on and on.

but with the new month, a new blog report. no football here. no rose parade, no television. no blizzard or snow-drifts. no trip to the y, yet. when war reports show people getting bombed and killed, children starving, i'm somehow less inclined to go out on the town. or even, to say to my friends, let's get together, and enjoy some company.