it's a bitterly cold day, but i just went outside with the dog and that seemed to make me feel better. i need to get up and around more as my lack of activity has just about made me rust up.

the dog has two balls, one which he refuses to let go of, and the other, as a result, i can kick and he can chase. and that's what we do, only with the first ball in his mouth the whole time. i walk around to where he's struggling to pick them both up in his mouth (he can't do it), and i get the second one out from under him, and i kick it. that was good for about ten minutes. it felt like an hour, it was so cold.

i have to get some of the exercise machinery going. there's one in the garage, but the garage is as cold as the yard. there's one in the basement but you about have to go outside to access it. the stairs are all blocked and in fact i don't like that, i might have to move some water stands out of the way. what if we needed our tornado shelter?

even the ten minutes, in the cold snowy windy grim day, filled me with some kind of oxygen. i am now feeling like i have some choices, like i can do some of the things i want to do.

every day i have a list of way too many things to do. many of them are routine, everyday: read marketing; i'd like to read about 150 pages. one is listen to audiobooks; i'm falling behind on this one. i have to listen as a process of getting used to my cochlear implant. i have things downloaded, and i have favorites, and often i just listen to my own narrators reading my own books. whatever, i need to get started again.


where do you see my writing in here? often i get through the day without doing any. i've gone a few days already without. this is not good. i could be writing here (on one of many blogs), or in my journal (where i chronicle the problems of raising a dmdd boy who is very manipulative and has nothing better to do than get take-out off of his parents, even on thanksgiving) - and believe me i've been mad enough recently to have plenty to say. but unhappily, there is no easy solution. he has nowhere else to go, and the trap we're in, we set it ourselves, and you can't make a sick kid, especially a mentally ill one, just grow up and not be bound up in his mother anymore. it's frustrating but i don't know what else i could do. i give rides. i go get take-out. i try not to get angry. i write in my journal (the journal of anger) - this blog is a little more general and protects his privacy a little better.

but there's more, besides door-dashing, and i'm taking a little break from dashing while he's unstable, my wife needs me, and there's too many other dashers out there anyway. there's work on the various houses - this one, the academy house, and whatever new one he's about to occupy.

back to writing, i have to say that i did finish one book of short stories, and i got a short story into an anthology, which was published yesterday or the day before. that anthology deals with shelter pets and its profits will go to shelters; i like that. things are not all bleak. i'm working on a novel. if i get time i can finish it.

i'd like to do quilting. i'd like to get into my stamps. not sure if i'll ever do these, but it's worth mentioning. it may happen. and then, on saturday, my trip to the new library. see post above. ciao

a fantastic spread downstairs; my wife prepared everything a person could possibly want. i remain as her most appreciative audience. we ate together along with my daughter; two boys slept through it, having stayed up until 4 a m. we don't wake them up, because historically that doesn't end well, unless they asked us to do it or they have school.

i'll let you picture the spread; it was everything a thanksgiving is supposed to be. there is pie too which i have not cut into. they (my wife and daughter) have left for brimfield for a larger thanksgiving with stepdaughter and family. i remain with the pets and the boys.

quiet, cold, grim, windy out there, but i kind of like it. i might get something done later.

it's a little dysfunctional - very dysfunctional - to not have thanksgiving together, but that's been going on for a while, and i've given up trying to get everyone at one table. i might try to get the boys at one table later. i might even sit with them.

more later...

Have a Magical Day

These are not feel-good, happily-ever-after stories like Disney movies, nor are they dark or violent. Each story is from a different perspective (tour guide, PR staffer, detective, fantasy author, housewife, state patrolman, and businessman among others) and gives insight into life in 2024 at a huge theme park and large entertainment corporation. It is not adoring of Disney, or scornful, but the stories include a variety of characters you might meet if you spent a little free time in the park, and they offer a variety of perspectives about the role of fantasy and of Disney in modern American culture. Stories included are Have a Magical Day, Space Mountain Getaway, Stealing his Heart, Slapping a Mickey, Afternoon Snake, Detective's Tale, Garbage Duty, Downpour, Attic Bride, Just Ashes, Cocktail Party, Small World Problems, If the Shoe Fits, and It is what it is. All were written in 2023 or 2024. It is the author's eleventh volume of short stories.

$4.79 + shipping, Amazon paperback
$1.99 on kindle
free on kindle unlimited

late in the afternoon, and i've had way too much coffee already. once again i didn't sleep well, because a son living here was grievously unhappy late at night, and i was unable to do anything about it. never mind that it was his fault, and it was way past my bedtime. now i have a line-up of things i want to do and literally no energy to do it.

i have however been doing a lot of dashing. the way dashing works is that at the beginning of the week you never get enough, so you're primed to take all this work on TH/FR/SAT to make up for the work you didn't get MON/TUE/WED. if you just have faith that the late week will balance out the early week (it generally does) you have a more relaxing week, knowing you'll be ok. i have no faith. and i'm sometimes called away by circumstances, and lose FR or SAT or some other valuable time.

the schedule wears me out in another way. generally i work until done, at about 9 30 or 10 at night. it's not a bad work hour and i should be in ok shape when i get home. however there's still a lot to do, namely, getting and delivering my son's med, and walking the dog. these can be harder than appear. 11 30 i need to be done, and i'm not always. in the morning i'm literally grogging around while people pull me into daytime responsibilities. i still haven't downloaded from work yet!

if i have to do stuff mornings, i do, and then here i am in the afternoon - i have time, i have the house, i have my typewriters and puppies here, and i can't budge.

nothing is written. goosegg. dogs are barking. will check.

i went to the walmart here in galesburg, and it actually made me feel better. i know that the vast majority of the people in there are quite conservative, maybe most are trumpers. i can guess that. but among the trumpers there is more than just the usual joy of victory. it's almost like they feel they've righted a wrong, as if trump's declaration that the last election was "stolen from him," is something they bought hook line and sinker.

if anything the election shows that the system works. everyone counted their votes, and they came out in a logical pattern nationwide, i.e. he won the same amount proportionately in each state. there was no state that was out of its pattern, no place where massive fraud could be said to be clear. same as last election, it was counted fairly and accurately by very careful neutral counters.

that shows that he's total bullshit, because remember his whole claim is that he should have won. well yes he would have won if blacks and women weren't allowed to vote, but he didn't, because we have a free and legal system for every adult to vote. this time, americans voted in a total fraud, liar, rapist, pedophile, etc.

my explanation is 1) very high inflation hurt very badly in what were already bad times; 2) we're tired of endless wars that seem to be our responsibility; and 3) racism and misogyny, which i suspect is the main reason. they just don't want to elect a woman who is not only a woman, but also not quite white. let's face it, they knew about the fraud/felon/pedophile thing. the reason i say racism/misogyny is that look at the south, where biden made some ground - georgia, north carolina, missouri - even look at appalachia. it wasn't even close.

there's an unusually high level of stress around the election, but the iowa poll made me optimistic. so i'm optimistic with high stress. everyone i know is very stressed about the whole thing.

meanwhile, it's by far the most beautiful time of year. rain on orange and red leaves; people are less aggressive about actually removing them; the town therefore is carpeted with red and orange crinkly round blankets of them around each tree. it's quite a sight. and above, they turn gently brown and fall with the slightest wind. the air becomes cleaner and the soft rain settles the dusts of summer.

the iowa poll was unusual in that it was thorough and really asked a wide range of people what they were doing and why. it was older women and independents who really swung it, because both groups are going blue and both are good at voting. extrapolating we can see a large advantage for harris nationwide and the possibility of several other states going her way. iowa was a good example of how they took a rather vapid poll early on and just sort of assumed it would go red as it did for trump a few years back. but iowa had actually gone for obama, as did several other red states, and is on the cusp that could be called red-purple. now quick let's think of the red-purple states that could also go harris.

i actually think pennsylvania and georgia will be very close, and harris will not be able to count on either one, though she will probably win both. they will be tied up in lawsuits and accusations of cheating etc. which trump has planned from long ago. she will however win wisconsin, michigan, north carolina, and arizona. i'm not sure about nevada,

but if she wins new hampshire, virginia, and florida, as soon as the polls close, we'll know she's on her way. she could win florida because of a huge independent women population, women who have had their rights snatched from them, as well as a puerto rican population of over a million.

i'm hoping she wins ohio - it'll be close - and she could win tennessee. but we'll see her strength as the clock moves westward. she'll win iowa; she may win kansas, and it'll be very close in indiana and missouri. i think she'll win missouri too. and then, she'll win montana, alaska and arizona. texas will be close. idaho will be close. even wyoming and utah will be close but i wouldn't call any of those for harris. those are places where people can't imagine voting for a democrat.

the problem in appalachia is racism, that simple. that's her problem in general; she's not white, and she's not a man. most everyone dislikes trump or at least sees the danger of voting for him. the vast majority of conservatives, and this country is very conservative, vote for him because they're conservative, not because they like him. i find it incredible that a non-white woman even has a chance but it's very very good if this country can do this, if only to include a vast number of people who comprise it and do much of the work. she will make a way better president than trump, who really has no clue about economy, environment, world politics or leadership.

it's what i call the high holy days - saints' day, souls' day, sadie hawkins day, all the big ones. they are actually big because the weather is better now, in my opinion, than any other time of year. after it's turned cold, cold and a little wet, orange turning to brown, leaves blowing in wind or getting wet and preparing to rot on the ground, i love all this. time to celebrate making it another year.

an unusual color splendor this year; it kind of snuck up on us and at first i said, not so great. then it got better, and still better, until last night it seemed to be at its peak. keep in mind that broad and mary, our corner that i look down on right here from my seat, is halloween central for all the trick-or-treaters. you can include halloween in the above list but i'm rather traditional and say that halloween was there because it ushered in saints day/souls day which are the real holidays, let the kids have their fun, but it's not technically part of the high holy days. same with election day, which tends to muck everything up with television commercials and everyone getting tense about political violence and such, and some of this is inevitable in my view. things will happen here and it may not be good. but what can i do? for high holy days i celebrate life, the end of a summer, the promise to bring spring around again, the peace and clear air of a cold night out in the neighborhood.

the neighborhood was packed; cars were parked all up and down the street, which usually gets no cars parked at all. we being historic district, upper middle class and all, while still in town, have the best candy and lots of my neighbors even go so far as to make a performance, invite children in through a chuppah, put on a show, give them a whole basket of candy, the whole works. we simply drop a smarties and a lollipop in their bag and hope that by having two, it'll be less clear which two but they'll know it was two and be satisfied. it has worked pretty well. but four, five bags of candy aren't enough. we run out two thirds of the way through the night.

let me try to explain what i mean by saints' day and souls' day. i'll say right out that i don't believe in heaven and hell as separate places outside of the world we live in, that somehow some of us are going in a bad direction and some of us are going in a good direction. i believe it is true that we are divided based on the direction we are going in, but we aren't heading to some separate place where everyone's 100% one way or the other. in my observation, very few of us are 100% and that may be why we're here. why should we be going anywhere when the earth has plenty of souls and bodies for us to occupy when we're done with the vessel we are currently using. but we need time to think about what's happening here - we have a soul, the soul is in a body, it's learning or not learning, it occupies that body, then it leaves. that's what we know. it may be impossible for us to leave this particular cycle, but it's silly to imagine parts of it that we somehow hope it will turn into. it's not turning into anything. and we are getting stuck with our own karma repeatedly, both in this life and in whatever life we are moving along into.

so in a way i'm celebrating, or at least recognizing, the possibility of reincarnation, the stuck-in-the-middle nature of life here, the plight we are all here sharing. happy saints' day; happy souls' day, happy sadie hawkins day. carry on.

had a bad dash last night, by bad i mean it had some sitting, and didn't make a whole lot of money. the money wasn't a problem; it's been great all summer and i can generally easily make what i need with four or five dashes a week, and i've been doing six. so a low tuesday doesn't ruin my life at all.

but the sitting was an issue for two reasons: one, it's getting cold, and two, the guardians were losing to the yankees. nothing to do about either one. i can shut my car up, and, having worn fairly warm clothing, can be ok without turning it on, or, i can do like other dashers and simply leave it on. i don't like leaving it on. i'm not especially cramped or uncomfortable; i kind of like it out there usually. last night it felt a little odd.

i'm finally organized enough to have some idea of what i need to do when i wake up in the morning. a lot of these things are everyday things. i market my books, on twitter, facebook and elsewhere. i keep track of my numbers. i make quaker pamphlets, and organize the ink, the printer, the paper, etc. i try to do some writing and many days can't even get around to doing it. i answer my son's calls and go do his bidding - i take him meds and get him what he needs. sometimes this constant interruption prevents me from doing the rest. that is the case today. and by the way, i try to keep up on these blogs. twelve a month - this post doesn't count, since i already got this blog this month. just write, that's my idea. if you can't do the writing, that's ok, but put something here, that'll keep you going. that's the hope.

more later, off to do meds.

i tend to get caught up in my kid's dysfunction. They can't seem to get theri shower running properly; that's two round trips, one to bring a kid here, one to take him home. they live out of the casey's - that's several times a day, and way too much money in the process. it's just how they live. i end up being the driver.

i would have long ago said, you do it yourself, but for my wife's insistence that, because they are disabled, they really need a hand. and in many ways they do. they can't hang onto money for more than five minutes, so they're often hungry. my son went through years unable to walk down the street; my wife accepted his explanation and it was clear he was uncomfortable in his own skin.

now from my point of view it's a matter of limiting the damage. when can i work, when i won't be interrupted? when can i carve out a few hours to do what I want? my life isn't really all that bad. we have enough money, enough food, enough of everything; i can't complain that they are taking food out of our mouths. and in fact, most of the money, as far as i can tell, comes out of my wife's retirement income which is substantial and which i really have no interest in controlling anyway. so it's easy enough for me to say, go ahead, spoil your son if you want, it's really between you and him anyway, even though to some degree i'm aware that spoiling a kid does him no favors. it's a tragedy but one i lost years ago and which i have no interest in reviving in hopes that maybe the odds will change. they won't change. as long as i'm here claiming he should make his own way, she'll step in to make sure he doesn't have to. to her recognizing his disability is first and foremost.

that may sound bitter, but in a way i'm saying that i accept it; i don't really know from disability, and i'm not in a position to tell her how to do it really. i have my feelings, my prejudices, built up over years of raising others and watching people, but they don't necessarily apply to someone who can't do basic functions that we all take for granted. such people should end up in institutions, you might say, and you'd probably be right, but this boy will at least have a childhood, and the feeling that he had the chance to live on his own and make his own way. what will he do when we're gone? he asks himself that question too i'm sure but it doesn't make him more able to do what he needs to. and the same goes for his friend. nobody is out there making them more independent, and they can only do what they have learned to do, which in most cases is not much. they've learned to be dependent. they're good enough at it that they are still alive.

in writing i'm steadily drawn into the era around the turn of the century (1900) when i find my great grandparents doing interesting things. i study them to pull together the background and the information from their families. it's part of my quest to really learn as much about my ancestors as i can. i was doing the language book for a while, but got bogged down and i have to write what i'm inspired to write. i hate forcing things and in fact can't seem to do it. if i'm stuck on something it's better to put it down for a while.

one thing i do have to do, however, is make sure i sit down to write every day. the blogs should be part of this; in fact, they are, to some degree. but i go days sometimes neglecting the blogs and everything else. i get caught up in my hearing issues or in my son's court drama, which now thank god is resolved. i get caught up in their stuff. i'm too easy to pull out of my chair.

nervous before a big trip to pekin this morning. up early, before five, dressed and had two cups of coffee already. it's about a fifty minute drive; we'll leave here at about 7:45. my son has a court appearance but the particulars are settled; he's paid the fine (we paid the fine); he took a driver's safety course and can prove it. all that remains is to have the judge free him from warrants.

the whole experience turned him into slightly more careful, more responsible; he doesn't want to have warrants but on the other hand he's a little not ready to take full responsibility. it's a gradual process. enough about him. the daughter also wants to go to hanna city; that's almost just as far, same southwest side of peoria. she thinks we can just go there whenever we want. on demand. on her demand.

it is gorgeous out there in the countryside. the back roads to hanna city take me through three towns, maquon, yates city, and farmington, and last weekend was yard-sale weekend. i didn't know how much they coordinated, but i found out. in farmington was a lot with about forty tents. perhaps people from the countryside came, rented a tent, set up their wares, and sat out there all weekend. the best i could figure it was lots of houseware, glass, china, etc. of course that's what shines in the sun as i'm driving by. one place had an ancient car and another had some very old desks. but i already have very old desks that i can't get rid of.

in fact i'm purging all kinds of stuff; it's been around too long and causes too much hard feelings. even in cases where my wife has as much as i do, she knows what she has and wants it there, whereas mine looks like big piles of junk to her. from my point of view, stuff i save i save for everybody, like old electronics, charging cords etc., and everybody at times comes back to paw through it. there are things though that i save for myself, like stamps and old postcards. and i'm sure they look like junk. but they're not, to me. i'll purge the deco. i have no need for deco. christmas wreaths, old cloth pumpkin-men, etc. one more year and i never put any of it up. what's the point? someone at the thrift store can enjoy it. pay a quarter and take home a whole armload of it.