sunday night, i should be relaxed and refreshed for a new week. instead i'm a little stressed both because of the weather and because of general events.

it is hot and steamy, getting hot and steamier. that is fairly typical for late august, but another typical thing is ragweed - as it blooms i suffer. my eyes swell out, my nose clogs up, it's miserable. i prefer to sit inside by an airconditioner and after a while don't even want to go out at all. i have an air-con in my car, so driving is not all bad, but getting in and out of the car, taking the few steps to the house, that kind of thing makes me constantly aware that hay fever is back and back in force. actually mowing the lawn i encounter it a lot, even mow over it, and that's bad too. released pollen gets in me and up upon my face where it makes me suffer.

the kids have all manner of trauma, and i include here all ten of them, spread far and wide, some with grandchildren that are up to their necks in trauma. life is not easy for anyone. there is a wedding in the family; i will be taking two boys to erie pennsylvania at the end of september (stay tuned in this blog), and that's interesting to me, being my old stomping grounds, where i grew up and all, but earlier than that, i am going under the knife for a cochlear implant operation and am hoping i come out of that, skull opened up and all, with no complications.

it all works together to make me more stressed than necessary; especially the weather. i want to stay only by my airconditioner and even then i question it as maybe it's just on fan and not actually getting the pollen out of the air. if so, i'm aggravated. i have a low boiling point. we are just getting into this over-95 heat wave and i'm already having trouble with it.

a book came out. i will grace you with its information if i have not already. i am especially proud of my great-great grandfather, as he kicked around the plains, fought in the civil war, and in general tried to keep up good relations and raise healthy children; he succeeded i think. one of them through a narrow line came down to me and here i am, somewhat an outlier of the family, yet writing about him, in a book that will go down amongst his many descendants as a record. i hope the relations will like what i have written.

night out from door-dashing; it's busy, going well, getting easier. all summer i can dash whenever i want with peak conditions; i choose to dash 7-9 30 every night and it's easily more than enough, i enjoy it, i don't want for anything. sometimes i dream of a cabin by a lake or a river, but you know what? those flood, and i'm tired of such complications. better yet a simple place in the woods that can be reached by both sons with minimal effort, something like that. but even that is more complicated than i really care for, and it means i am bound to door-dashing when in reality it's better to be able to let it go, especially if something happens. life is delicate. sometimes one has to just let go and walk away.

tonight i send a prayer out, to lots of people who i have connected with over the years. for those whose time is running out, i especially want to reach out. you reach a point where connection is futile, too much has gone down, no point any more. i don't want to reach that point, i want to connect now. reach out. i'm here, and i want to hear from you.