i'm in a tight spot, as they say. actually i'm full of stress. my son, nineteen, disabled, says he doesn't feel safe in his house and needs to move back here. but he's all jangly, very demanding, very difficult to live with, and i'm not sure i can take it. in fact i'm sure i can't.

he has good reasons for not feeling safe. it's not that he is trying to torture us though he is well used to using intimidation or whatever works in order to get his way. what he'd really like is to have his friends move in too and all have a good old time, in our house, like they used to. with us feeding them and getting them whatever they want, whenever. it's not going to happen though. we're tired and can't take it.

to most kids, having some independence is desirable. get your own place, manage it, come and go as you please, invite your friends over and talk. what went wrong is that a roommate has an older brother who knwos some shady characters. some of these characters came around and took advantage of him. they got in trouble and got mad. he doesn't feel safe and i understand that. but i don't have another place to put him, i'm not going to put him here.

i don't blame him for being upset, or for needing us, or for pressuring mom to get what he needs. a kid has to use what a kid has. the kid has to survive himself and he knows it. he is not good at survival skills so he has to stick by mom get his basic needs met. it's tragic actually because these should be the years of coming out into adulthood.

i keep nodding out at this computer. i can't seem to write at all these days except whenever i open the diary of parenting a DMDD kid - i tell the absolute truth to the diary. i have a bad attitude and i let it know. i spill out all my true thoughts, and actually today is its anniversary (also my wife's birthday) - I've been at it for seven or eight years now. he has actually been mentally unstable that long and it's been a long haul. i have other mentally unstable kids as well. it wears on me.

a loving thing to do would be to be understanding, give him what he wants in terms of a little spending money or fast food, don't worry about where he is at the moment and just try to survive the times. it may be that we can find a place to put him where in essence he'll have everything - he'll be able to have his toys (electronics) with him; he'll be able to see friends once in a while; he'll be taken care of. i don't have that much hope though. such places are hard to find for the disabled. we have one in town and it's still hard, hard to get into it anyway, even if the kid has disability.
br> i don't know this for a fact though. some work is called for here. what's called on for me is to hold a steady ship, not panic, be calm, try to allow. the kids will grow up, work things out, figure out how to do it without us. one can only hope. i'm tired.