i've been a bit sluggish. the new year came and went, and cold weather just got grimmer, greyer, colder, and finally snowier. i don't mind the snow on some level; it's what winter is all about and if you go a winter without it that's really bad. but the combination, snow, ice, slippery roads, and bitter chill - it makes me want to take a break from door-dashing.

the dashing itself isn't so bad. people tip well, and they keep you busy, and they pay well, or at least well for door-dashing. i can get the money i need in less time. but i enjoy it less and it takes intense concentration. sometimes the walking - from the car to their doorstep - is treacherous. the main roads are not.

at home i finally wrote out the things i am trying to do a little bit of every day. writing is among them but one of the things that is getting moved to the bottom of the heap constantly. maybe that's my problem - that i am feeling sluggish because i'm not being a writer. instead i'm stalling or doing just about whatever else demands my attention.

beyond door-dashing there's grocery shopping, laundry, running out to c's house, running around from here to there, getting prescriptions or whatever. we're lucky - the cars are running - and it is temporary - eventually february comes along and it's all in the past. if only i can make it that far.

i think of the people who won't. there are actually quite a few. both my parents died in january and that alone gives me a kind of gloom that it's a tough season to get through. i can't think of a january that was easy but they all passed into february eventually. there's a kind of inevitability about it. we know trump is coming. that's chaos, trouble, hard times for most of us.

on that score i will say this: most of the world has despotic, corrupt rulers. it's depressing to see our government for sale and to see the wealthy moving in to take advantage of a leader who basically just wants to clear his debts and to buy off forgiveness of his assaults and treachery, but sorry, i for one will never forgive, and i'm not for sale, as long as they let me vote i'll vote no. and i'm not holding my breath for the midterm election or any other, because i don't believe that he won't use "loyalty" to buy off county clerk offices and make sure he doesn't lose again. he will lose at least here but that's not saying much. apparently everyone else is ok with his thievery, lying, fraud, etc.

it's just a little bleak to see. it's like the dying of democracy, along with the bugs and the birds that have finally given up and gone down south.