i'm going to write this one all out because i need to do it in the process of thinking about it. i'm sure it's best to omit names because of people's privacy and there are a lot of people who wouldn't appreciate having all this get around. but nevertheless it's important because it's a human life hanging by the wayside.

my wife has a fairly common last name so it makes it difficult to do searches of this kind. but we got a notice from the oregon social services saying that a child was falling through the cracks and wondering if any relatives, distant or otherwise, were interested in getting involved. the child turns out to be the grandchild of my wife's cousin. my wife did not jump at the chance and in fact had an aversion to having anything to do with this particular cousin.

i did research to find out what i could on the web. the child's father is in prison for meth-related things and won't be out until november 2026. the mother disappeared, i coulld not find record of their marriage, who she was, what happened to her, etc. a simple call to the oregon social services would resolve some key questions: first, is it a girl or boy? (name doesn't tell definitively) Second, how old? Third, what happened to the mother? Fourth, would the father have any chance of coming back after this kid after his release?

so the social worker would definitely have an answer to these questions, and they might influence our ability or desire to take this kid on, but at the moment the two stumbling blocks are this: i don't do well with phone calls, and my wife doesn't want to. she's the one who would be doing the lion's share of the work, so there's no way i'd push her; she wouldn't be doing it for me. but i'm curious anyway.

in our favor, i'd say this: we've been in the business of rescuing kids for the last few years anyway. we're good at it (or rather, she is good at it - though we're clearly tired and in need of a break. but also: we are the last known family, probably, to keep this kid from just going out of the family. one other thing in our favor: we're known to social agencies. they don't have to do all the studies and background checks. they love to put a kid in a family like ours even though we have some dysfunction just within our own.

is there a family bond that says, our family takes care of other people in our family? i think about that. i have a cousin with three daughters, six granddaughters, all in a state of abuse/crisis. two of the grandkids are launched and capable but one is being fought over as we speak. fortunately in that case i don't have to intervene because other closer relatives are fighting over custody. let them fight, someone who wants the kid will get the kid.

what about a kid in a family where nobody wants them or can handle them? it seems like we are about the only ones left in this wide family (though this may not be true) which seems too have the addiction gene running rampant throughout. a good argument can be made that the addiction gene is rampant and that modern society makes it too easy for the addiction gene to take over and simply wipe out whole families. we are lucky that way but i also know we are walking a fine line. aa is our closest ally.

a kid, out there somewhere, no home, family seems to have just fallen away.