i think juneteenth is my new favorite holiday, and i'll explain why.

i was in the insurance office the other day, and the insurance office is like this: the guy talks too much, though he's very personable, and his daughter (maybe) runs the desk while lots of us wait in line. this older woman comes in and she knows everyone, but she reads the sign on the door that says "we will be closed for juneteenth" and she says, "june-a-teth - what's june-a-teth?" the young girl explains correctly that it's been a holiday for a few years and that it's to commemorate the freeing of the slaves. june-teenth comes to Galesburg, if people are still figuring out what it is.

so for a day or two i went around thinking to myself, june-a-teth, june-a-teth...the thing is, it doesn't really commemorate the end of slavery, so much as it does certain texans finding out that they'd been freed, when in fact they'd already been free for a while. i think it has a kind of allegory for life. we have been struggling with the idea that as parents we are trapped in a kind of always-give-them-what-they-want cycle, when in fact giving them what they want is sometimes bad for them, and it by nature teaches them not to go out and get it for themselves. it's a kind of slavery of the mind, and it means i've been delivering up a lot of bad food for example for years, when what i feel like saying is, if you're so eager to kill yourself, go get a job and buy it yourself. why should i keep deivering up bad stuff? well, mostly because we're caught up in this cycle. and it's time for emancipation.

but it's the kind of emancipation where you've been free for a while, all you had to do was recognize it, and free yourself. if i can't do such things without resenting it, it's better just not to do them, because i build up a large resentment. and i'm tired of it.

and my wife is really really tired of it.