i swear god will take from you every drop of blood that you have in this life to help take care of the folks out there that are falling through the cracks. lots of folks, lots of cracks, and if you have trouble saying no you're in the line of fire.
speaking of saying no though i did pass up a trip to chicago, for the impulsive boy whose friend needs to go up to see a clerk about getting the right date on his birth certificate. one car, icy roads, at least two kids but probably four, some along for the ride and the fast food, and the possibility of visiting home. no thanks. it didn't sleep well and wore me out thinking about it. but this thirteenth kid, that one won't go away.
she's the older sister of the eight-year-old we're already fostering, and the younger sister of the seventeen-year-old. we have one more seventeen-year-old, and we're almost done with our own kids, the last three of whom were adopted. the foster kids, all three from the same birth family, would probably be moving on in may to their father who, if he does what they want, will be ready to take them by may. the seventeen-year-old would be moving on to complete independence. they could declare victory. they extracted him from a violent household, he lived, and he came out alright. it's a wonder they aren't all in trouble.
really what i've found is that if an adult is consistently present and caring, and providing what they need most, which is shelter, food, and a ride to school or work, then they are grateful to live a somewhat boring life, and be home at night, on the media, in a comfortable bed, staying up as late as they want. i'm talking about the seventeen-year-olds now, who we deal with extensively, and there's like three or four of them that have jobs, are very responsible, and it's a miracle they keep going given the dysfunctional families they started out with. i'm beginning to feel that the transition to work & car stable life is a luxury that many high schoolers don't have, having families that can't help them with driver's licenses, jobs or car. but given the choice, most would take that stability over drugs, crime or whatever the other choices out there. it's not a matter of rent, they have a place to stay. it's mostly a matter of food security and a ride to school or work.
with the younger ones, it's really a question of whether we have the energy to drive them around, do dentist appointments, school functions, that kind of thing, and we're on the verge of not having that energy. if it's only 'til may, we might make it, but something tells me it's a little more than that. and the weight of the noise alone is substantial. i've always said that having two kids is not 1 + 1 = 2, or even 30 + 30 = 60, but more like 30 X 30 = 900, with all their characteristics multiplying off each other to make far more noise and complication than simply adding two together.
one last push, one more chapter. she was out there - she was about to have to go to chicago, or somewhere else around the state, start over in a new house, away from sisters and brother, and now she's at least with one sister and one brother. there is, yes, another sister, a twin of the eight-year-old, she's also definitely out there, she did have to go away. we just couldn't handle her. if you go back to the origins of the family, one older boy, three younger girls all within three years, one girl completely uncontrollably violent and unreasonable, the mother also probably bipolar, violent and unreasonable, that's all it took to break down the family until we and the social services started putting it together starting from the saner edges of it, namely the seventeen-year-old, then the eight-year-old, now the ten, now the father, and try to very delicately keep it from moving into that trouble zone where kids are isolated and bitter, and can't function.
If they all come out healthy, and alive, and able to move on to the next phase, we'll all be grateful. the community or the village will have stepped in and raised the kids.
speaking of saying no though i did pass up a trip to chicago, for the impulsive boy whose friend needs to go up to see a clerk about getting the right date on his birth certificate. one car, icy roads, at least two kids but probably four, some along for the ride and the fast food, and the possibility of visiting home. no thanks. it didn't sleep well and wore me out thinking about it. but this thirteenth kid, that one won't go away.
she's the older sister of the eight-year-old we're already fostering, and the younger sister of the seventeen-year-old. we have one more seventeen-year-old, and we're almost done with our own kids, the last three of whom were adopted. the foster kids, all three from the same birth family, would probably be moving on in may to their father who, if he does what they want, will be ready to take them by may. the seventeen-year-old would be moving on to complete independence. they could declare victory. they extracted him from a violent household, he lived, and he came out alright. it's a wonder they aren't all in trouble.
really what i've found is that if an adult is consistently present and caring, and providing what they need most, which is shelter, food, and a ride to school or work, then they are grateful to live a somewhat boring life, and be home at night, on the media, in a comfortable bed, staying up as late as they want. i'm talking about the seventeen-year-olds now, who we deal with extensively, and there's like three or four of them that have jobs, are very responsible, and it's a miracle they keep going given the dysfunctional families they started out with. i'm beginning to feel that the transition to work & car stable life is a luxury that many high schoolers don't have, having families that can't help them with driver's licenses, jobs or car. but given the choice, most would take that stability over drugs, crime or whatever the other choices out there. it's not a matter of rent, they have a place to stay. it's mostly a matter of food security and a ride to school or work.
with the younger ones, it's really a question of whether we have the energy to drive them around, do dentist appointments, school functions, that kind of thing, and we're on the verge of not having that energy. if it's only 'til may, we might make it, but something tells me it's a little more than that. and the weight of the noise alone is substantial. i've always said that having two kids is not 1 + 1 = 2, or even 30 + 30 = 60, but more like 30 X 30 = 900, with all their characteristics multiplying off each other to make far more noise and complication than simply adding two together.
one last push, one more chapter. she was out there - she was about to have to go to chicago, or somewhere else around the state, start over in a new house, away from sisters and brother, and now she's at least with one sister and one brother. there is, yes, another sister, a twin of the eight-year-old, she's also definitely out there, she did have to go away. we just couldn't handle her. if you go back to the origins of the family, one older boy, three younger girls all within three years, one girl completely uncontrollably violent and unreasonable, the mother also probably bipolar, violent and unreasonable, that's all it took to break down the family until we and the social services started putting it together starting from the saner edges of it, namely the seventeen-year-old, then the eight-year-old, now the ten, now the father, and try to very delicately keep it from moving into that trouble zone where kids are isolated and bitter, and can't function.
If they all come out healthy, and alive, and able to move on to the next phase, we'll all be grateful. the community or the village will have stepped in and raised the kids.
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