it's pouring down rain, and that's unusual for june - usually the "monsoon" season doesn't start until the fourth. so the ground, which has become crackly dry and brown, is getting a good soak. it's the kind of rain where heat that has been packed away by the top foot or so of earth now becomes steam, and rises slowly all through the land.

we are of course worried about the virus. we sent a kid to town today, ostensibly for a basketball practice later - and we have no idea who's on that team, or where they work, or who might have picked it up at some point. arizona and texas, which surround us, are flooded with it; we, in our mountain zip code, still have zero, but know that won't last forever. for one thing, tourists are flooding the place. everyone is feeling trapped and feeling like getting away. the mountains are their chosen destination, especially when they feel they can't do what they want to do at home. given true choice - low price of gas, time off work, a hot and dry spell in the valley - hundreds will come up here on any given day.

i feel, sometimes, like stopping to use a bathroom at the campground on the highway; it's called sleepygrass. actually any of the alternatives are dangerous - the public bathroom, the one at a popular and always-open restaurant, and sleepygrass. a much better alternative would be the side of the road, but even that only works some of the time. i try to go before i leave home. this almost never works. i'm in the car, i'm in town, i have to go somewhere. i'll have to develop my system so i'm not in such a jam. i can understand how rvs have become so popular.

finished my transposing of the 80-page tirade of my great great grandfather. if he is to be believed a professor of divinity simply had it in for him, and ruined him, got him taken out of his treasurer's job, committed all nature of personal offenses, when he had done nothing, basically, to deserve it. it's a story that is dying to have the other side told, but i don't have the other side; i have only his, so that's what i'm telling. from a family perspective it explains a deep almost ingrained distrust of organized religion. if this is a doctor of divinity, a supposed fine man, who is ruining a person who has done nothing wrong, what's' up with that? if even, he feels like he has to tell the story, and it's in writing, and it's typed out on old crinkly paper, and it was therefore probably not heard or believed elsewhere, what's up with that?

i sometimes wonder about the nature of justice in this world. you have these cop cases, and i think that cops are just as likely to be human, or likely to be just as human, as anyone, which means that, given a hot chase, a criminal situation, and the fact that they are armed and trained, they will just as likely use their gun as not - this is a dead setup for a lot of injustice. i don't know what's passing for an "innocent man" these days as i think a lot of people, george floyd included, are not perfect and the mere fact that they are out of jail, on the street, even walking down the street, makes them more innocent than your average person, who is dead or in jail. it's a constant struggle to stay alive, to have enough food, to take care of one's health, and then these cops come around with a kind of snide arrogance, which i've experienced by the way. but when they are in charge and trying to regain control and trying to get a decent outcome for the average person, they have a lot of pressure on them. and i'm not going to tell them how to do their jobs. i would say, yes they should be fair, yes they should consider carefully before pulling out their gun and just firing around. they are in an unenviable position.

the rain, now, has made the mountains smell very nice. the pine trees are breathing. what was brown, you can almost watch it turn green, or at least think about it. i'm grateful i'm way out here at the end of the road, with lots of deer and elk all around me, hummingbirds coming up and hovering, to see if i've brought them some honey. a blue bird, with an orange breast, landing nearby, probably looking for the same kind of advantage. they all have enough water now, and that will make a big difference in the next few days. the deer and rabbits will come round, hoping the grass has that green fresh-growth edge and they can pick it right off. the cows will tread with huge hoof-prints, pulling some things right out of the ground and leaving huge poops. our own animals will stay excited - they are excited both by thunder and lightning, which are plentiful today, but also by the promise of change in the air, the excitement in the animal kingdom and even the plants. the world is still alive - and after an earthquake in mexico, and a long hot dry summer, to come back around to just a little bit of rain, it's, ahhhh, pretty nice. you can breathe it in, all the way.