Thursday, September 10, 2009

my fingers are getting rusty, it's been so long since i've posted; i hit a dry spell, a time in which everything seemed too much work, or too trivial, to say anything. a son was in the hospital, and, though he's ok now, it took awhile to get caught up and out of that state of emergency when you drop everything, and only pick it up when ready. weeks later, i'm still picking up.

thursday is the cruelest month, is a saying i've taken up, not only because some thursdays take a whole month, but also because they're cruel in the same way april is cruel, holding the promise of freedom and renewal, warm weather ahead, and at the same time devoid of any real sustenance, in terms of rest, or weekend, or the good stuff we live for. that old expression about april is kind of dormant now, though lots of people i know are aware of april rocks; so, i'll get going on my thursday expression. the classes take forever; what really takes forever is just making it from one to the other. a hint of fall outside, with trees changing color, a turn in the weather, and lots of morning fog that shows how confused the earth is, that the air is so much cooler than the earth, or the other way 'round. next thing you know, the geese will be flying low overhead, honking and arguing about whether they really should be flying south or north this time of year; or, maybe, arguing about why they took a route that had so few good restaurants.

the route to the hospital took me through roads & roads of blossoming corn, ripe beans, seeding grasses, lively creekbeds, and woods; it was very summery, though i was not in the mood to stop and really enjoy it. and it took me near cahokia mounds, capital of ancient americas, a huge place now surrounded by seedy racetracks, poisoned headwaters, toxic dump lowlands and a steel mill. the mound stands imposing, making me wonder if they ever really dug inside, found out what was in it. the mississippian people, here a thousand years ago, ruling for about five hundred years or so, disappeared without a trace, just before the europeans showed up and wiped everyone out with diseases. but why? where did they go? maybe they found a planet, or, set out to sea. maybe we'll never know. even here, less than thirty miles from the great river, we find ancient places, and know they must have spent years in such a fertile valley, such a meeting place of the rivers. the trappings of a city- arch, casino, steel mill, interstate- don't detract a bit from the imposing tower of their memory.

it's back to driving cross-town for me, though one day i went to the state fair in duquoin and performed in an interesting production called timmy the tractor. this was a musical with intense dancing and kid-oriented plot and songs; we were in the background, as performers. the memories of high summer, now totally replaced by the large numbers of students, in town, flooding the bars and restaurants, making driving more of a hassle. the city, in other words, is at high tide, and so is optimism, peacockism, traffic-ticketism, and actual studying. it's back to work for me- and, with my son back, and a full plate- i'm busier than ever. maybe i can get something creative done this term- a calendar, or a book or two- some of the work is done; i'm just not so good at the follow-up.

as for the mississippians, they will be my witness. things come and go; yes, it's all trivial, or seems that way; yes, maybe something will remain, by which i'll be remembered, in a millenium, or even in half. chou...

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