today i'm depressed because i did a bad thing to our one main car. i somehow failed to shut it completely after changing the battery; perhaps a battery holder prevented it from shutting completely (i'm referring to the hood). while driving the hood flew up and smashed up against the front windshield, fortunately not breaking it, but damaging the hood itself.
i lost most of a night of sleep cursing myself and wondering if the damage could be more severe than it appeared. the car had been giving me the creeps because of the appearance of electrical issues, and this was bad on that night when none of the four windows would open, though that appeared to be more because of frozen rain which did after all melt after it had run for a while. by the time i got home three our of four opened, enough to convince me that it wasn't an electrical problem, and that the car was otherwise running fine, though there were still somewhat random signals of electrical issues. don't know why a car would do random electrical blips for no apparent reason, like some fuse is coming loose.
the whole thing has left me somewhat damaged. what am i some kind of idiot? i can't relive it and "do over." it happened, now rest and let the morning sun come through the window.
two boys were fired over the last week, in unrelated situations and places, so leaving me the feeling that it was directly related to my incompetence or perhaps my adhd which i'm sure i freely contributed to them. there is nothing for it, for me, except to be here and watch as they work it out, as they have families and people depending on them. they'll have to find something and all my efforts to help will just kind of make them feel worse, besides what do i know about trying to make it in los angeles or portland. in my family we were talking about back-to-the-land, subsistance farming and my sister mentioned a place called drain oregon where they had something going. all i could think of was east jesus, a desert subsistence community out near the salton sea. move your family to one of those? i'd say, all options are on the table. i send them my prayers.
meanwhile another cold spell is coming here. my wife won't even go out in it though she'll do some minimal exercise for her dog who doesn't seem to ever get enough. way too cold for her. and getting worse.
went up to iowa to get my second cochlear implant turned on (story here), and people had no idea what i was talking about when i mentioned the "mass casualty event" of three and a half weeks earlier when cars and trucks smashed each other all apparently outside of, or not far from, scattergood school. this hopefully meant the school was not intimately involved with any of the wreckage or survivors (everyone survived though 20 ended up hospitalized), which was good. nobody in the state knew what i was talking about, it's all distant history to them.
back up, rest, take care of our own. days are getting longer, and we will get out of this, to the point where spring will arrive, and we'll see flowers.
i lost most of a night of sleep cursing myself and wondering if the damage could be more severe than it appeared. the car had been giving me the creeps because of the appearance of electrical issues, and this was bad on that night when none of the four windows would open, though that appeared to be more because of frozen rain which did after all melt after it had run for a while. by the time i got home three our of four opened, enough to convince me that it wasn't an electrical problem, and that the car was otherwise running fine, though there were still somewhat random signals of electrical issues. don't know why a car would do random electrical blips for no apparent reason, like some fuse is coming loose.
the whole thing has left me somewhat damaged. what am i some kind of idiot? i can't relive it and "do over." it happened, now rest and let the morning sun come through the window.
two boys were fired over the last week, in unrelated situations and places, so leaving me the feeling that it was directly related to my incompetence or perhaps my adhd which i'm sure i freely contributed to them. there is nothing for it, for me, except to be here and watch as they work it out, as they have families and people depending on them. they'll have to find something and all my efforts to help will just kind of make them feel worse, besides what do i know about trying to make it in los angeles or portland. in my family we were talking about back-to-the-land, subsistance farming and my sister mentioned a place called drain oregon where they had something going. all i could think of was east jesus, a desert subsistence community out near the salton sea. move your family to one of those? i'd say, all options are on the table. i send them my prayers.
meanwhile another cold spell is coming here. my wife won't even go out in it though she'll do some minimal exercise for her dog who doesn't seem to ever get enough. way too cold for her. and getting worse.
went up to iowa to get my second cochlear implant turned on (story here), and people had no idea what i was talking about when i mentioned the "mass casualty event" of three and a half weeks earlier when cars and trucks smashed each other all apparently outside of, or not far from, scattergood school. this hopefully meant the school was not intimately involved with any of the wreckage or survivors (everyone survived though 20 ended up hospitalized), which was good. nobody in the state knew what i was talking about, it's all distant history to them.
back up, rest, take care of our own. days are getting longer, and we will get out of this, to the point where spring will arrive, and we'll see flowers.
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